It's been three years since I've seen a doctor, and for most of that time I was uninsured and angry. Now I'm insured and not sure where to be assured and reassured that I don't need to be cured. I checked out the Internet for a local doctor, but you can't trust the Internet, well maybe you can, but I rather find a doctor the old fashion way: asking around.
So, tomorrow, I plan on walking around town, maybe talking to strangers near the local hospital, maybe knocking on a couple doors if they happen to say MD on the mailbox, and see what I can turn up.
I should probably have someone other than those machines at Rite Aide tell me my blood pressure and heart rate.
I should probably find out why my intestines feel like they pulled a muscle, and what the deal is with the past couple episodes of somewhat dramatic chest pains I've had the last couple weeks. I'm pretty confident it's either nothing, or that I have 4-6 months to live. I'll probably go the same way the famously infamous Michael Lucas went. If that's the case, I'll definitely have to write another letter to Scott from Independence Blue Cross in Philadelphia. I meant to send him a Christmas card this past year.
On the other hand, I started going to a gym and working out a couple weeks ago. My workouts have consisted of jumping rope and punching things. I need to make a friend at this new gym that I can punch in the face, or who will at least be willing to punch me in the face.
***
“But Jon, don’t you date a doctor?”
Apparently Jacqui doesn’t yet count as a doctor. I learned this when I tried getting medical advice, and she just kept agreeing with me, no matter how ridiculous a scenario I proposed. If I pressed her on my medical matters with questions such as: “Really!?!?” she would respond with, “Really!”
“Really, really?!?”
“Yep!” she would tell me.
“No joke!???” I would ask, again.
“Kid, I don’t really know, I’m not actually a doctor”
***
So, wish me luck, I’m off to find me a doctor. I also need a haircut. Looks like tomorrow is gearing up to be a full day.
Is there more than one Michael Lucas?
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