Maybe Just A Little Bit More, or The Prophecy of the Popes

For those of you familiar with the 12th century Catholic doomsday prophecy "The Prophecy of the Popes," Pope Benedict the XVI's recent resignation probably raised an eyebrow or two. It sure spiked my curiosity. And no, I am not what I would consider an "expert" or "genius" when it comes to 12th century-anything, but I watched a lot of History Channel before it became a toilet for reality television, and my brain is a steal trap for useless information.

Allegedly, according to Benedictine monk Arnold de Wyon,  St. Malachy predicted 112 popes correctly in 1139. Wyon published the predictions in 1595. Nobody's ever seen the original manuscript, probably because it doesn't exist. St. Malachy conveniently got every pope correct between 1139 and 1595 when the list was first published. Since Pope Benedict just stepped down as the 111th pope, there is only one left: Petrus Romanus, or Peter the Roman.

And to be fair, most of the predictions about the popes were instead vague descriptions open to interpretation. And it is a part of a very long list of Doomsday prophecies that we've been bombarded with for the last few thousand years, whether it is Zoroastrianism, the Mayans, Nostradamus, the Catholics, Protestants, Jehovah Witnesses (who seem to give a date for the end of the world every 20 years or so) Y2K, Heaven's Gate, Zombies, and Vampires, oh my!

It's a fun thought experiment when talking about the "end of the world" especially when it is accompanied by the phrase "as we know it."  And, as mortals, our world is ending one day at a time, until we can duplicate the skills of Turritopsis nutricula, also known as the immortal jellyfish. Again: My brain is a steal trap for useless information.

If the papal conclave really wanted to mess with people they could elect the first black pope, Cardinal Peter Turksen of Ghana. But really, no matter who they chose, it shouldn't be too hard to make an argument that the new pope is who St. Malachy meant when he said "Peter the Roman." This is why doomsday predictions like these fall apart so easily. If you really knew the future, you would just come out and say it. There's no need to be vague, unless you're making it up.

For example, here are the next five presidents of the United States:

45-The Quaker of New Castle
46-Great Hair the Chant-able
47-Governor of the Guns
48-The Fraternal Lawyer
49-The White Horse of Aquarius

Now let me be clear: I basically just made up all of these, and I'm sure any smart enough crazy person could successfully argue why I "predicted" rightly and am a "prophet."

Whomever is elected as the next pope, we'll all have to continue to wait for the world to end until two things happen: One, they elect the 113th pope, and two, someone comes up with another Doomsday prophecy. Until then, let's look out for the 45th POTUS: The Quaker of New Castle.