Explanations

This past Easter my grandmother, Flo, made a comment that she does not understand anything I say on Facebook. She recently joined Facebook and has been navigating the Facebook world. 

So I've decided to take a look at my last few Facebook posts to see what is so confusing about them. As it turns out, she had every right to question what I write on Facebook. 

Let's start with January 7th 2013 when I wrote the following: "Jacqui, I'm glad you're a real person. At least I perceive you as real."

This was in response to the college football player Manti T'eo who found out his dead girlfriend was never actually alive because she was never actually real. He had fallen in love with a person, who didn't really exist, over the internet. I guess I can see how someone can fall in love with a person over the internet. And I'm being serious. People are nuts, and their emotions get the best of them. But when falling in love with someone, especially over the internet you must squash those feelings and beat those feelings into submission, because love turns people crazy. 

On Febuary 22nd I wrote: "I think I'm going to defriend everyone on Facebook." 

A lot of times in the day I hate Facebook. I hate the stupid shit people write. The less "Facebook Friends" I have the less dumb shit I have to scroll through. I can't be alone on this one, I'm sure of it. That's why on March 6th I wrote something similar saying, "There's nothing wrong with you. You're swell. It's just the shit you post on Facebook that I don't like."

On March 20th I wrote: "While standing on the toilet last night, hanging a clock, my only hope was that I'd slip, hit my head, and invent time travel." 

This is all true. It's also a nod and reference to the 1985 classic Back to the Future.   

On March 27th I wrote: "Your word of the day: garrulous." I was at the Tampa Bay Brewery sampling their nine beers on draft while reading James Joyce's collection of short stories Dubliners. He used the word garrulous, which I didn't know until I looked it up. It's a great word, and if you don't yet know it, you too should look it up. Don't be lazy. 

On March 28th I wrote: "Shiving at an outdoor Mexican spot in Tampa listening to acoustic covers wondering if dude knows any Tom Waits"

"Shiving" or shive, to shive, and shived are slang for drinking alcohol, or being drunk. You can also say "Terri" or terried, terribul. These slang words were developed and perfected by my brother and his friends. I use them frequently. Nobody in New York ever asks what I mean. I don't think they care. I was drinking at an outdoor Mexican restaurant and the one man band was doing a good job with his covers. As a big Tom Waits fan, I was wondering if this musician knew any Waits. I never found out. In life you have to learn to live with regrets.   

And finally on April 1st I posted the following: "Enjoying some 2004 Geuze." 

I usually buy Boon Geuze at Decicco's here in New York. It's a beer. It's sour, aged in wood barrels, and is spontaneous fermented with Brettanomyces yeast. Here is a video of a guy talking about the beer. It's a great beer for people who think that they don't like beer.

 

I hope this has cleared up some confusion. Cheers. -_o_-